This is not one of the long entries that I have been struggling to finish for the past few weeks. That one has a whole serious theme to it and once I get back things I’ve lost such as common sense, prioritizing skills and a sense of time, perhaps I’ll finally finish and upload it. I might even edit it. Coffee is not having the desired effect on me these days. It just goes right through me so I’ve kinda stopped drinking it. It’s been feeling like a waste of my time. I need something stronger. Recommendations are welcome.
What I am writing now comes from a quasi-frustrated and wholly exhausted plane of existence. I mean I forgot my phone at home today which never happens. Ever. I might have even lost it. I generally don’t know where my phone is at this particular moment. This is a very odd plane of existence indeed.
All my favorite vlogs have little catchphrases or closing lines such as ‘wear your seat belts’, ‘please, don’t break the law’, ‘either way, have a lovely day’ or even ‘don’t forget to be awesome.’ All my favorite blogs however, don’t upload at all.
Closing lines or slogans are not that important for blogs. Especially if not a lot of people read them. I tried brainstorming around the time this blog launched and I came up with some lame stuff. So I let it go…until now.
I don’t have a lot of readers and I don’t know how to stress why the fact not a lot of people read my blog is a good thing. I liked my other blog better than this one. I mean I didn’t hate life any more or less but I did it in a completely different way over there. One that wasn’t censored by the knowledge that people I love and respect read it and judge me silently in the privacy of their Facebook pages. Sometimes they go into full panic mode when they meet me in person and realize I am actually not a very pleasant human being or when it’s my friends and family members realizing that I’m not the type of person they thought I was or would like me to be.
I’m finding myself in situations where I have to talk about my blog and explain the whats and whys which I can’t even do properly. Sometimes I just wish it were a secret. I cringe when I am introduced along with my blog and I’ve had to defend it from people who’ll put it down not because I think it’s good but because it’s mine. It isn’t really meant to go anywhere or be anything. For the past couple of years, it’s just been something I do in a little corner of the internet. I do take it seriously (sometimes) because I like writing for it but people hear the word “blog” or “writer” and automatically expect you to have done great things which is ironic since writers are often branded as a profession for the coocoo and the broke. And because I’m just marvelous with my decision making skills, I’m not even the smart/selfish kind of writer with like an unrelated degree I can show off. It is not easy explaining why I’m not trying for my blog to do better. The tricks to doing better are not a secret to me either. I just don’t believe in them. I don’t think it’s that difficult to create a momentary hoorah with writing. But it’s at the price of integrity. I’ve learned lately that “the real world” happens get easier if you allow yourself to go with the flow.
I can’t believe I am saying this to the internet but I might be broken. Not broken like sad. Broken like the way one breaks a barbie doll on a table but in the feels. I don’t understand so many things that should be easy to understand or maybe everyone else is just pretending to understand. Or maybe I do understand it and don’t process it right. I don’t know. It’s a little egoistic or self important if I said I was different because we are all different and we aren’t.
The world has done a very good job of convincing me that something is wrong with me. Notice I don’t say us because I have no business including anyone else into my internally digested drama although I’m pretty sure being misunderstood is within our essence. I don’t think people are better because they are different from their surroundings.
Well anyways I will not try to explain too much this slogan because I’m not caffeinated enough. And although it’s a term that’s been ricocheting in my head for the past few months, I’m not going to analyze and beat it.Here it goes:
Give Yourself Permission To Be Weird
P.S the ‘but don’t try to be an asshole’ is implied
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P.P.P.S I won’t even bother with a feature image. I’m tired.