While I was doing a clean out of everything I own during my brief minimalist phase, I came across some of my older journals. Boy, was I stupid! I’ve written in previous posts about how I’ve changed from a brutally honest monster to a more empathetic human being and reading some of my old journals made me realize I was a monster because during the blissful time of complete pride and ignorance, I did not care if I made mistakes. I was unapologetic and confrontational with the things I did in the spirit of “staying true to myself.” I hated cheating on exams because of this.
So this brought me to the idea of whether it should be okay to make mistakes and be stupid as long as you’re “being honest with yourself” and standing up for your values. I guess the twist here is that if you are rooting for something even though you know it is wrong or immoral then something must be wrong with you. So perhaps you don’t know something is wrong when you are doing it so at the time you must be feeling like you are doing something right and if you are a truly “righteous” (quotes because what the heck with that word!) person you would be open to learning, in later days perhaps, that something you valued at one time, was a mistake. Writing the way I did when I was fifteen was a hazardous mistake. Confession: I thought I was in love with Justin Bieber. Maybe I was. Oh! Twelve was worse! I hated so many things!
A thought that crossed my mind a few more times (by which I mean I thought about it a lot until I could form an opinion about it )since it was put on my mind by my good friend Everted, is the idea that writers have to be true to their values, shun the market and be their own artistic people. “They should not kiss ass” was her idea and true, no one should be kissing anyone’s ass. That’s gross. But I wonder if being an unapologetic as an artist should come with the rigidness I came with.
All this makes me wonder if artists should be right all the time and unapologetic about it. Is that even a feat possible? Artists have this need to share their things often so to use Will Smith’s phrase, they have the chance to “be stupid in public.” For every mistake a writer makes in public, will they have to apologize?
Is that where all the anxiety of being an artist comes from? Making mistakes for everyone to see and losing acceptance for it?
P.S No this isn’t about to become a daily blogging thing. I’m just making up for lost time. I’m getting so much better at multi-taking. I should have probably saved this as a draft and pretended I was being productive at a time when I’m actually not but when I want to over share, I don’t save it for later.
P.P.S Good to learn that there is no word limit for titles.
P.P.P.S In spite of what the picture I used for this post implies, I’m not burning my journals as I should. I don’t know why I would want to remember what am idiot I was but I’m keeping them. =)