so yea…

You know, I’m like one of those hypocritical writers that spend time thinking about writing and talking about writing rather than doing actual writing. After having put down “writer” as an occupation a few times, I don’t feel so good about myself now. I don’t write. I guess I had imagined my writer’s life to be a frenzy of caffeine induced all-nighters, flying paper, tapping away at the shining keys of my laptop getting friction burn on my finger tips because of how fast i’m going and my computer glasses sliding down my nose so I have to push them up every few seconds; boxes and boxes of cereals just scattered away all over the place because that’s usually as much sugar as I can handle like a fucking elderly.

Well look at that! My imagination hasn’t died. My will to write is drawing it’s last coughing breaths though.

One of my cousins, not a writer himself, keeps telling me that writing is easy. A lot of people say it is easy and I ask myself if it comes so easy to them, why they do not do it. Why let it go to waste?

***

I open a blank page to write my blog entry every day then I just feel my heart break very loudly and I close the window again. I can’t even will to open my already started entries.
I don’t even know what this entry is.
Well I do. It’s me procrastinating on plenty of other things I should be doing. Or maybe it’s free writing. I guess I don’t know.

***

Well since I’m here let me tell you about a mistake I have been making. I was thinking to make it into a whole blog entry but at the rate I’m going with the not writing, it’s unlikely I’ll sit down again to generate legible thoughts on it.

So you know about that slogan thing that I posted about lord knows how long ago, well that made me feel a bit like I might look like I was trying to become a voice of self-love or empowerment or whatever. That’s not true. “Give Yourself Permission to be Weird” I thought up because I’ve been noticing at a lot of places that there are sort of unwritten rules that people follow and react weird to if you don’t follow. Like for example drinking coffee with a straw (I don’t do this but I read somewhere that it decreases the likelihood of staining your teeth from the coffee), taking the long way around when there is a perfectly good shortcut, wearing different colored socks, wearing a hijab even though you aren’t really Muslim, not wanting to be labeled a feminist…

The truth is, you can’t really stop people reacting to the strange little things you do, some of which you’ve justified for yourself either because you’re pathetic or because you’re awesome, but you can allow yourself not to be made to feel bad or awkward because of it. As long as you aren’t harming other people you aren’t doing anything wrong. Putting on loud crappy music and disturbing everyone or passive aggressively provoking people and claiming that you’re just embracing your weirdness do not qualify. There you’re just being an asshole. There is a fine line.

***

The other one is something that my cousin said to me after I got into a major fight sometime ago. What resulted this fight was basically me hoping that someone else knew better than I did, and you can call that my practice in being humble gone terrible wrong. I’m never trying humble again. Sometimes I think we want other people to recognize that something is wrong, but we don’t act on it because even if we are right we don’t want to be right alone.

To my messy pissed of annoyance at how humanity could be so self-serving, blind, yet still live together, my cousin quoted, “Common sense isn’t that common.”

I think I might have understood being humble to be something completely wrong from what it is. My trial to be humble did not work because while I was waiting for someone else to know better, they just didn’t.

I think some people might actually be better than others not due to genetics or whatever but because they have better judgment. Because they try to be.

This makes me look pretty egotistical but I’m not trying to make myself look like the epitome of ‘good’ which is not the message I am trying to send really. It’s not true either. I once wrote my friend into a small novella that I never finished and I killed her character before the story even began. I’d say that’s pretty evil.

But jokes aside, I think we can sometimes be led to inaction because we take others to know better than we do which is sometimes wrong and in spite of all that ’embrace the weirdness’ talk I think we should always, always try not to be assholes on purpose.

P.S  I’m sorry. I can’t explain the feature image.